at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
