you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
