Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
