no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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