It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
