Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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