Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
