sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
