Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
