it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
