Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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