she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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