your parents love me but you hate me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
