Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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