At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
