i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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