ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
