im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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