Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
