Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
