you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
