idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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