i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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