you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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