Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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