John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize