worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i believe in u and ur pee
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
