You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
