went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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