I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
