youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
