guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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