i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
