Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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