and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
