i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
