We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
