Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
