Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
