Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
