Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
