Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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