first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
