The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
