I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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