I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
