Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
