Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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