She announced her abortion via fbk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
