How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
