he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Floor bacon is actually really good
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
