I wish I could teleport
only you would photoshop your dick
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
