Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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