Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
