I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
