no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
