Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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