pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
