watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
