So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
