so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
