you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
