I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
