guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize