Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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