so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
