i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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