Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
