her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
