So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
