oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
