D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
