I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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