someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
