wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
